I am so excited to be included in this month’s #MomTalkTuesday with Aubrey of TheDandyLiar and Maggie of Polished Closets. Every month they pick a parenting topic to write about, including a guest host, and this month it’s my turn!
Read Aubrey’s post here!
Read Maggie’s post here!
How we decided to have (or not have) more children
This was a topic I was really excited to talk about, because as a mom of a 16 month old, I have become hyper aware of if and when the next baby will be coming. To give a little history, I am the youngest of 3 children (2 older brothers) and Mr. R is the oldest of 2 (1 younger brother), and similar to most people, we both want what we grew up with. Mr. R feels that a family of 4 is the right amount to fit everyone in one car easily, to be able to share a hotel room, to wrangle children (2 on 2), whereas I never thought about any of those things growing up. In my family one child was always sleeping on the floor of the hotel, and we had larger cars with a third row, and we were perfect angels so my parents didn’t have to wrangle us at all. ;)
As an adult, I have realized the benefits of having multiple siblings even more. I have always viewed parenthood as birthing an ADULT, not a BABY, because they are going to spend a lot more of their time as teens and full grown adults. Both of my parents are 1 of 3 children, and watching them take care of their ailing parents was a learning experience. On both sides, one sibling had a harder time taking care of the parent, whether because of distance or relationship issues) making more of the burden fall on my parents. If you are 1 of 2, that pressure more than doubles.
I think about the family holidays where every other year 1 of my brothers can’t attend because he needs to spend it with his wife’s family, and how that holiday feels much quieter, and less chaotic/funny/dramatic (typical family holiday) than it were if he were there. Which makes me think about having 2 children, and if 1 can’t attend, does it feel like a holiday at all?
Before I had Marina I was nervous about losing my way of life as a parent, as I had heard warnings and horror stories about how children change your life, you can’t travel, you can’t go out to dinner, and you have no life. And of course having a child is still exhausting, stressful and life changing, but it hasn’t been as awful for us as people like to make it seem. I don’t like to buy in to the drama that people like to spread about how challenging parenthood is, and I refuse to let someone scare me into having less kids because it’s hard. I could talk about this subject forever, but back to the matter at hand, will we have 2 or 3 kids?
I still want 3 children, and Mr. R is on the fence. Of course, we need to get to 2 first, and decide if it’s still right for our family. I know having 3 will be difficult, but I would love to space them enough that Marina will be in kindergarten by the time I have the 3rd, so that some of my time is relieved, and she will be old enough to understand rules and schedules. Before I know it, all 3 will be in school, high school, college and out the door, so I’m willing to sacrifice the short term chaos for the long term larger family. Parenthood has been the most rewarding thing I have done in my life so far, and I actually think I’m pretty decent at it, so why stop now?