No more stamps, beanie babies and baseball cards- as adults it’s time to move beyond the kitchy collections of your youth. Modern adult collections are less nerdy and trendy, and act as a way to display status and your interests. As a child I collected beanie babies and decorative eggs (no, really) but mostly they are all boxed up in my parents house collecting dust. I still have a love for collecting things, but these days they are more indicative of my travels and my interior decorating tastes. Reflecting on my own collections made me think deeper about what kinds of people collect different items and what it says about them. Disclaimer: this is a fun post with no psychoanalytic authority whatsoever, so take my opinions with a grain of salt, will ya?
1. Sneakers
If you collect sneakers, I crown you the vicarious athlete. You get to footlocker hours before it opens to buy 2 pristine pairs of Jordans, Air Force 1’s, and Air Yeezy’s. One is to box for all eternity and one is to wear around clean homes to show off to your friends, not to play any sports in. Your sneakers are your foray into athletics but also your excuse never to have to work out. For fear, sneakerhead, that those shoes will never help you dribble that ball, jump that high, or run that fast. And since you never want to get them dirty, you don’t even have to try.
2. Plants
You are my green-thumb earthy bohemian, friend. Or maybe the plants are your friends. Your vast plant collection is filled with rare species that need quarter-turn rotations every 11 days, and those that grow higher than a refrigerator. You are one with the earth, and you wake up every morning thanking the sun and the earth for the gifts that have been bestowed upon you. You only buy eco-friendly, sustainable non-toxic and organic food and materials, because if there is one thing you can do before you die it is to protect the world for our future children. Thank you for your service.
3. Ginger Jars
If you collect Ginger Jars, you are 80% an old-world prep and 20% into interior design. You recognize the beauty and handmade quality of the ginger jars, and love how they make your home appear well-traveled. Also, the bigger, the better. Ginger Jars are an underground signature of wealth and status, so you need to get those giant ones that fit a tree in order to prove your heritage. There are so many knockoffs in Home Goods that any one of your preppy friends can get their grubby paws on one, so in order to prove you knew about them before the masses you raided your grandmother’s stash.
4. Photos
If you find your walls, tables and dressers are covered in framed pictures, you have a strong respect for the past. You may find yourself looking at old pictures as a reminder of how things once were. Whether or for better or for worse, you have a strong connection to the happiness and sorrows of the past and like to have them as a daily reminder. Some might say that you yearn for the past, but in your mind you have a strong respect for tradition.
5. Evil Eyes (and other abstract religious paraphernalia)
Whether it’s a collection of evil eye jewelry, hamsa hands, or clothing with OM on it, you are a spiritual dreamer. Maybe the religion you were born into never quite fulfilled your higher being, but latching on to abstract religious symbols (and yoga) gave you the enlightenment you always looked for. You may still sin occasionally but you dream of a deeper meaning to life, and these symbols act as a reminder for when you need it. Or at least they shield you from the sins of others!
6. Bracelets, Rings, Piercings
Sometimes the smallest collection has the deepest meaning. Speaking of someone who had a ring collection for years, I feel like these were the only acceptable form of claiming your independence. Of course I could be reaching here, but often I feel collections of body jewelry are often the way that adults show that they are do not conform, but in a conformist way. Which is at the root a deep issue right? You are someone who goes to work at a corporate job but stacks their arms and ears high with baubles so that people are forced to see something different in you… but still you can’t get fired. Or I don’t know, is this just me?
7. Diamonds
A collection of diamonds simply symbolizes that you are an ostentatious glamazon (a la Real Housewives) or a wannabe. Collecting diamonds is clearly not something most people can do, so you like to point out that fact by wearing them all. the. time. You have money, you like nice things, you have a good job, you treat yourself. Bravo for not giving a **** about what anyone thinks and rocking those rocks. #YouBetterWorkBitch. Or maybe you are wearing cubic zirconia. Doesn’t really matter- it’s all the same to all of us!
8. Pillows
If you collect pillows, you are permanently impermanent. You love change, but not in a big way. You don’t mind spending a little dough to spruce up your home, but not in a big way. You don’t know how long you will be here or there so why not just play it safe for now? Makes sense, we’ve all been there. But you have a closet full of pillows for when you are feeling a bit RISKY, and another closet for when you are feeling SAFE. You can’t decide which way you want your home to look, let alone your life!
9. Wine
If you collect wine, you are a lover of life’s little luxuries. Try saying that 5 times fast. Again, I speak with my own experience here because Mr. R collects wine and boy does that boy love to #treatyoself. Fine wine obviously has a taste aspect to it, but mostly, it is for taking a boring Tuesday night and turning it into something special. Wine is for when you had a crappy day at work and you need a reminder of the good things, and collecting wine is like collecting a ton of GOOD THINGS. It’s a constant reminder to laugh, be with your loved ones, eat, drink and be merry!
10. Nothing
Oh, you don’t collect anything? NOTHING? Then I have one of 2 diagnoses for you. Either you are a devout minimalist or just plain lazy. Adult collections no doubt clutter up the space in your home and the space in your mind, and as a true minimalist, you have a Kon-Mari type attitude to clutter. Besides a few finely chosen books, you only have room in your life for things that you need. I applaud you. Some of us collect ‘stuff’ in order to feel better about yourself, but collecting things weighs you down. Or, like I said, you are just lazy. Collections also require work! Shockingly, you don’t just stumble on a ginger jar or a diamond in your commute to work, so hefty research and shop scouring is necessary. Research? Not for you. Scouring a store? No chance. You are perfectly happy with whatever is given to you and you yearn for nothing more. Whether you are lazy or a minimalist, you have a peace of being in your existence, something that shockingly, is greatly admired by many!
Ok, so how did I do? Spot on or way off? The funny thing is that while writing this I did have a specific person in mind for each category, but found that there was a little bit of me in each one as well. Did you find that about yourself as well?
